A letter from mommy....

I miss you my sweet baby boy. My heart aches when I don't see you here where you always were. I wish I could pick you up and smell you and kiss your little belly. Your warm paws....

Thinking back I realize that you were not yourself for at least a month. We assumed that you were laying around because of the Prozac.  But a few weeks ago I just looked at you and I knew something was wrong. At the time you were not showing any signs of illness. It was just a gut feeling that I had but couldn't do anything with. You lost one pound in a month and again I assumed it was because of the Prozac. We reduced your dose and kept an eye on you. I pray to god that you were not in any pain. I would have done anything to have made it all go away for you.....and to do that I had to let you go. I couldn't put you through any treatments because we knew your personality. You didn't want anyone other that your mommy to touch you when you were outside of the house. Anything would have been pure torture and not worth it in the end. 

You were and will always be something special to me baby boy. I saw you crying on the sidewalk at just a few weeks old. We took you home and raised you and your sister. Turned out I couldn't give you up because you were mine. You were my baby boy. 

You will forever be in my heart. Please come and visit me in my dreams....

Love you forever,
Mommy

I'm more lost than she with her loss of sight

Chloe is either progressively losing her vision or I'm just realizing the extent of it. This whole week has been tough for me. I've cried multiple times and held her as I cried. I know that she will adapt and be fine with no vision, but I'm not adapting to it yet. It has been such a quick dramatic change that I'm dealing with it slowly. I've got to learn how to play with her. Learn to speak to her before I approach as to not frighten her. Husband today said that she got frightened by the vacuum and left the confines of her cubie hole but didn't know where to go. I know that she is somewhat vertically challenged at the moment. She can still jump on the bathroom counter, my nightstand and the kitchen counter but I don't think she's taken the stairs or made it off the ground otherwise. I guess I'll be getting her some new soft beds to lay on around the house on the floor. She is eating and drinking and is in no pain. I am in pain. My heart aches for her.

And the journey continues...

Thursday we had a board certified animal behaviorist come to the house and assess Shelby. The Buspar and Cerenia did not work in reducing/stopping his spraying. She gave us some homework and I can safely say that I was overwhelmed with all that we need to "work" on. Firstly though, Shelby needs blood work redone and then Prozac to start with.

This morning however I was cleaning up Chloe's chin because it appeared that her feline acne was acting up on her chin. I tilted her head back and trimmed the hair, cleaned it up and let her go. When she walked away I noticed that her right eye was all cloudy and pinkish with blood. Needless to say I freaked the hell out and called the vet STAT. Brushed my teeth, dressed and was out the door within 5 minutes. Vet's diagnosis....lens subluxation. Basically her lens is loose and has impaired her vision. We are to take her to an opthamologist next week, but in the meantime she is getting prednisone drops to try and reduce the inflammation in her eye.

The Current Battles- Urine Spraying & Renal Failure

Here we are again. I find myself needing to put all my thoughts and frustrations down in writing. I am teetering on the edge of insanity it feels like. 


Chloe is suffering from what the vet wants to call "renal insufficiency" but her creatinine has only gone up in the last month or so......so I would say she has progressive renal failure. Subcutaneous fluids were suggested once a week to start with. Thomas and I decided on our own to give it to her every two days. I being a stubborn person that I am tried to give the fluids myself, but would often have to poke Chloe three times to get the 100cc's in. It was more stressful for me than it was for her I am sure. During her next visit the vet found that her creatinine had gone up some more and her potassium was low. Send us home with a potassium supplement gel. She loved the gel and Thomas starting assisting me in administering her fluids. He did the poking while I held Chloe. This is working great.....although I still get upset about doing it. We try to give her fluids Monday Wednesday and Friday. We do it in the restroom upstairs. I know this has affected her adversely because she no longer ever goes upstairs. She used to spend alot of time up there....it seemed to be "her" space and would also sleep in the study chair. Well...she no longer goes up there AT ALL; unless of course I carry her up to the bathroom for fluids. There are days where she will not show any interest in eating in the AM. Yesterday she had spit up so I gave her a pepcid and she did eat in the evening. This morning she did not eat again, but I placed the food plate in front of her and she did eat some. And by the way....I jinxed myself at the vet. She that she loved the potassium gel and ever since we got back she wants nothing to do with it. DAMN! Her creatinine has gone up even more and her potassium lower. I refuse to change her diet to the renal on because well...the first time I did it gave her the shits and it's just too hard to feed her separately. I need to accept the fact that fluids is about all we can do for her at this point. And once it gets to where she needs them more often we are going to have to assess her quality of life.  She is already skid-dish around me because I am either grabbing her to get fluids or to pill her etc. I don't want her last months to be in hiding.


In another story Shelby has decided that he wants to spray the entire house. Well, not really. It seems to be directed at me! And this morning he actually got up on the bed, sprayed MY pillow and the headboard. He does not bother with Thomas' side of the bed. I no longer even have a night stand because over the months it had been sprayed repeatedly so I gave up. Now I can not leave anything on the floor because he will inevitably spray it too. He has done my pillow and the mattress/box springs. This is just lately. I haven't even mentioned the guest room closet and other areas that I cleaned up months ago.  Finally found out that it was him doing the spraying and took him to the vet. She got urine and found bacteria. Treated that with a shot of convenia. Turns out the culture was negative....so....he is now on behavioral modification drugs. Namely Buspirine. He just started yesterday. Requires pilling him twice a day. God I pray that this will help because I don't know what else to do. I am ready to pull my hair out. There is no way I will get rid of him because of this because 1) he is my baby and 2) no one else is going to want a cat that sprays.  Alas, I am stressed beyond words.