I haven't blogged in a while. My thoughts have been racing around in my head so often lately it has been hard to just sit still and write. I know that if I just get all these tought down on paper (ha, this isn't paper!) I will feel much better.
Webber's last insulin shot was 6am 02/09/10. Today is Webber's 2nd day of his OTJ (off the juice) 14 day trial. I can't believe we already here. It was just a little over a month that he was on insulin. I feel like this is too good to be true. Why can't I just be elated and enjoy this time? Instead I am totally paranoid that his numbers are going to start creeping up. And what if they do??? Well, we will just get him back on the insulin and start over again. I can tell myself this over and over again in my head yet it won't stick!!
Somehow I also feel a little guilty when I post on the message board. There are so many other mommy's on there with sick kitties and/or kitties that have been on the insulin for so long just waiting for the moment that I am not enjoying. It doesn't seem right.......I just need to snap out of it.
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Hi Paige! :)
ReplyDelete1. You should never feel guilty for things that you feel. Your feelings are your feelings, and you can't help them. The only thing you can help is how you express those feelings, and how you react to your feelings.
Yes, Webber is on his OTJ trial and that's really wonderful. You have done an excellent job managing this, and I know it still seems surreal. That doesn't mean that you can't/shouldn't be worried about things. It does mean that you have to try really hard not to let that worry spoil your enjoyment. Kitties can also pick up on stress, so the last thing you want is Webber's #s to go up because you're worried about them going up. ;)
2. As you know, there's just no way to predict what will or won't happen in the future. I could have never predicted that Buzz would be back on insulin after only being OTJ for a month. It sucks, it really sucks. And of course I wonder if we are doing all this work to get her back OTJ (if that's possible) and then she will be back on in a month. But I can't let that fear stop me from doing what needs to be done right now, and you shouldn't let it stop you from concentrating on what you need to do now: check his BG, keep him happy and fed, and give him lots of pats.
I know it's a lot easier to say than do, but you just have to go with the flow or you will make yourself crazy. I can't think about the fact that in 6 months, Buzz might be OTJ, or back on, or still on insulin with no OTJ in sight. I just can't, or I couldn't get through every day of testing and feeding and worrying.
I know it's difficult, but please do try to enjoy this time and revel in the fact that YOU made Webber better. YOU took charge, YOU informed yourself and made educated decisions on his behalf. Did you ever think 3 months ago that you would know as much about FD as you do now, or that you would be cheering people on and able to help THEM?
You've come a long way, and don't you ever forget it. :)